On December 25, Super Junior’s Leeteuk left a message on Instagram for SHINee’s Jonghyun.
Along with a photo of a Christmas cake, Leeteuk wrote, “I don’t think there’s anyone else who could say that they knew you better and shared everything with you. A person’s loneliness, anger, sadness… Whether it was because you had no way to express these things and made your final choice, or whether it’s something you wanted to tell the people left behind, I’ll have to really ponder over this for a while.
“My heart aches from feeling sorry that I couldn’t pull you up more when you reached out and asked for me to grab your hand. The weight was too heavy to say that it’s something celebrities must endure, and the image of you being caught in a tight situation only hurts my heart even more.
“The day before I sent you off, you came to me in my dream, and the image of you smiling brightly and telling me that I need to be the happier one is still vivid in my mind. Everyone has trials, pain, and suffering, but you can never measure it. The emotions that you feel in a time of hardship are the hardest and most difficult.
“I also experienced severe depression, a difficult time where I thought everyday that dying would be better than being alive and breathing. In the army, they most likely saw that image of me as someone who was merely pretending, and the gazes of those [who thought that] made it even more difficult. For almost a year, I endured through this difficult time. As someone who’s been through such a situation, I think it would’ve been better if there had been some solution that would have provided even a small way out…
“Since it’s Christmas, I feel the term ‘Christmas miracle’ in a deeper sense, and I feel that it’s important that we live with more happiness from now on. I hope that everyone spends each day as if it were special, like Christmas.”
..그 누구도 너를 잘안다고 말할수 없고 그 누구도 너랑 친해 모든걸 공유 했다고 말할수 있는 사람은 없을것이다 한 사람의 외로움이,분노가,슬픔이..표현할 길이 없어 마지막의 선택을 했는지 남은 사람들에게 무엇을 말하고 있는지 당분간 생각을 좀 많이 해봐야할거 같다 손잡아달라고 내밀던 손을 더 힘껏 끌어주지 못한 미안함에 더 가슴 시리고 연예인이기에 견뎌할무게라고 하기엔 너무나도 큰 무게였고 어느 한가지를 포기하기엔 많은 길을 걸어왔기에 이러지도 저러지도 못한 그 모습이 더 마음이 아플뿐입니다 보내기 전날 꿈에 찾아와 형 이 더 행복해야한다고 환희 웃고 간 모습이 아직도 눈에 선합니다 누구에게나 시련이나 아픔 고통들이 있지만 그 크기는 서로 잴수없는것이며 자기가 처한 상황에 느끼는 감정이 가장 힘들고 어려울수있을것입니다 저도 우울증을 심하게 겪으면서 살아숨쉬는것보다 죽는게 나을거 같다는 생각에 하루하루가 힘들었고 군대에선 그런나를 그저 쇼하는 모습으로 비춰졌을테고 그런 시선들이 더 힘들었고 그렇게 1년가까이 어렵고 힘든 시간을 견뎌냈고 이런상황을 겪겨봤기에 조금이라도 해소 할수 있는 아주 작은 탈출구가 있었더라면 조금은 나았을텐데…크리스마스라 크리스마스의 기적이라는 단어가 더 깊이 느껴집니다 앞으로 우리는 더 행복하게 살아가는게 중요하다 느껴집니다 모두 언제나 크리스마스 같은 특별한 하루하루 보내길 바랍니다
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