Update: Former AOA Member Mina Posts Allegations Detailing Years Of Harassment From Jimin
Warning: discussion of suicide and self-harm.
Former AOA member Mina has shared multiple posts on her personal Instagram account, detailing what she says has been her experience as a member of AOA. In her posts, Mina states that one member of the girl group had continuously bullied and tormented her, later going on to name the member as Jimin.
On July 3, Mina took to her personal Instagram account and posted a screenshot of someone sending her a message using profanity and telling her to get lost. Mina’s post reads as follows:
I really, really want to get lost too, but I have to take care of my mom… Oh, I’ll probably be contacted and told I’m brainless again. That’s right. I’m brainless and I never learned anything properly. I had to earn money from a young age because our family was struggling. Around the time of my dad’s passing, I cried once in the waiting room and one of the unnies [older member] told me that I was ruining everyone’s mood and told me not to cry, dragging me to the closet of the waiting room. I told her I was so scared at the thought of my dad dying. I still can’t forget those words. Other bullying incidents? Other profanities? I can deal with them, even though they hurt. Because we rode the same car, I was given a sedative and sleeping pills and put to sleep. I knew I had to do well at scheduled activities but I could feel myself breaking more and more. Because of her, I once tried to attempt suicide.
And I’m okay with not being acknowledged as an idol or an actor. I’m very bad at it, I’m still very lacking. But I’ve been so happy doing it and I worked really hard, it’s a job I really love. I’ve never felt stressed because of work. To be honest, I really didn’t want to leave AOA but because of one person who hated me, I was bullied for 10 years and by the end, I was so angry that I wanted to curse at her just once. In the end, I gave up AOA. I used to enjoy promoting with the other members. Recently, her father passed away. My heart ached and I felt strange because I knew what that feels like. I went to the funeral hall and as soon as she saw me, she cried and apologized. I felt so empty and my heart crumbled. It felt like everything had emptied out, all of my resentment disappeared and everything felt okay. But because I was so broken, I was scared of being on hiatus. Of course, I’d anticipated it and thought I’d be okay if I learned new things and got treated for depression, panic disorder, or anxiety. But so many things happened during that hiatus. To be honest, I was worn out. Netizens? Just like what the people on the internet were saying, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I didn’t want to see myself anymore, and I thought of myself as annoyingly loud. But I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born. I also have a mouth, I also have hands, I couldn’t control myself anymore, but I had to keep living for my mom. I don’t need people to like me or be interested in me, can’t people just leave me alone? Because it’s all my fault.
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나도 진짜 너무 너무 꺼지고 싶은데 엄마 돌봐야해서..아 또 무뇌라고 연락들 많이 오겠다 맞아요 나 무뇌 맞고 제대로 배운것도 없어 어릴때부터 집안 사정 때문에 돈 벌어야 했거든 아빠 돌아가시고 대기실에서 한번 우니까 어떤 언니가 니 때문에 분위기 흐려진다고 울지말라고 대기실 옷장으로 끌고 가길래 내가 너무 무섭다고 했어 아빠가 곧 죽을거를 생각하니까 난 아직도 그 말 못 잊어 딴 괴롭힘? 딴 욕? 다 괜찮아 상처지만 같은 차 타는 바람에 나중에는 신경안정제랑 수면제 먹고 그냥 나를 재워버렸어 스케줄 제대로 해야하는데 내가 점점 망가지고 있다는 걸 느꼈어 그 언니 때문에 내가 자살시도도 했었거든 그리고 나 아이돌 그리고 배우 인정 안해줘도 괜찮아 진짜 못해 많이 부족하잖아 근데 나는 하면서 너무 행복했고 정말 열심히 했어 정말 사랑하는 직업이야 일로써 스트레스 한번도 안 받았고 솔직히 AOA탈퇴 정말 하기 싫었는데 날 싫어하는 사람 하나 때문에 10년을 괴롭힘 당하고 참다가 솔직히 끝에는 나도 눈 돌아가서 욕 한번이라도 하고 싶을정도였으니.. 결국 AOA도 포기했어 나는 다른 멤버들과의 활동이 재밌었던 애였거든 근데 얼마전에 그 언니 아버지가 돌아가셨어 마음이 너무 아프고 기분이 이상했어 그 아픔 적어도 나는 아니까..장례식장 갔는데 날 보자마저 울면서 미안하다고 하더라 허무하고 무너져 내렸어 마음이..그냥 비워졌어 원망도 사라지고 다 괜찮아졌는데 내가 너무 고장이 나있어서 무서워 공백기..당연히 예상했지 이것 저것 배우거나 우울증이나 공황장애 불안증 치료 하면되겠다 했어 근데 공백기 동안에도 참 많은일들이 생기더라..솔직히 지쳐 맞아 그 네티즌? 인터넷상 사람들이 하는 말처럼 나도 내가 누군지 모르겠고 뭐하는 애인지 모르겠어 꼴보기 싫고 시끄럽고 듣기 싫어도 나도 내가 태어나고 싶어서 태어난거 아니잖아 나도 입이 있고 손이 있고 이제는 나도 내 자신이 컨트롤이 안되고 나 엄마때문에 살아 살아야지..이쁘게 안봐줘도 되구 관심 안줘도 괜찮으니까 조금만..그냥 내버려두면 안될까? 내가 다 잘 못 했으니까
Her second post read as follows:
Oh, the reason I brought up that person in AOA is because my dad was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer and I knew he would pass away soon, but because I thought she would tell me off again, I had an acting job, we were making a comeback so I didn’t want to negatively affect the other members as we were promoting, I had lines to learn and had to smile a lot, I felt like I couldn’t get caught up in thoughts of my dad and I needed to do my job properly, so I couldn’t visit my dad at the hospital. Because of his cancer, he was skin and bones, and I couldn’t help but cry when I saw him. My sister would call and say that my dad couldn’t speak anymore but was still asking for me. But what if I start crying during a scheduled activity? What if she says something to me again? I was so young and I thought that was what I needed to do. I thought that was the right thing to do and I didn’t want to get told off anymore. So I could have seen my dad more but I didn’t. And when my father closed his eyes, I saw it and I heard the sound of the machine as his pulse flatlined. I was told that my dad had shakily written “Where is my daughter?” on a sketchbook and shown the nurse, but I hadn’t been able to go see him because I was working. From what I heard, she’d been given a VIP room and her solo activities were canceled, but I hope that wasn’t the case. You should be professional, too. Don’t cry, okay? You said it ruined the mood, you asked why you had to walk on eggshells because of me. You need to overcome it well, too. I still can’t erase the memory of what you said to me and how you acted. Even though the memories are fainter, I remember them all. Whenever I remember them, I take medication and get through it. But I think what happened with my dad will stay with me for life. Those might have been words you spit out without much thought for me, but those words were so hurtful to me. In our last five minutes together, I told you about how that had been hurtful, and you glared at me and said, “I don’t think I’m that much of a bad person that I would say something like that?” Another member so courageously spoke up and said those were words you did say. I was so dispirited that I couldn’t speak and I thought to myself, ‘Is she even human?’ And we said our goodbyes. To be honest, I’m not that smart so I have really bad memory but with you, the list is endless, there’s so much there. But I’ll only say that one thing because who knows, I terminated my contract with the agency but what if they ask me to pay for breach of contract? I haven’t said everything, so it’s okay, right? Because of you, I take numerous pills and because I cut my left wrist so much, the nerves are damaged so it stings and aches. But when I look at my mom, I feel the will to live, I need to go make money. So I’m working hard to undergo scar treatment, although I still have nightmares. What’s funny is that before I left, we [AOA members] would have drinks together without you and talk, but still, none of us can figure it out? Why do you hate me?
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아 근데 AOA그 언니 이야기 왜 적었냐면 난 아빠 췌장암 말기 선고받고 아빠가 갈거라는 걸 알고 있었는데 그 언니한데 또 혼날까봐 그리고 개인 연기도 하고 있었고, 컴백하고 있어서 스케줄 소화해내고 멤버들한데 피해주기 싫었고 대사도 외우고 웃어야 하는 부분도 많고 그래서 난 아빠 생각에 사로잡히면 안되고 일을 제대로 해야해 라고 생각했고, 아빠 병실에 들어가지도 못했어 췌장암 말기라서 뼈밖에 없는 모습 보니까 눈물이 안날수가 없더라고 언니도 전화오고 아빠도 이제 말을 잘 못하는데 날 찾았대 근데 만약 스케줄 하다가 울면 어떡해 또 저 언니가 뭐라하면 어떡해? 난 그때 나이가 너무 어려서 그렇게 해야되는 줄 알았어 그게 맞는거라고 생각했고 혼나는게 더 싫었어 그래서 더 볼 수 있었는데 못 보고 그렇게 아빠 눈 감았을때 삐 소리 듣고 보고 보냈어 옆에 스케치북에 아빠가 우리 딸 어디있어요? 라고 힘들게 삐뚤 빼뚤 적어서 간호사님한데 보여드렸다는데 그때도 일 하고 있어서 못갔었거든 근데 들리는 말론 언닌 특실 잡아주고 개인 스케줄들도 그렇고 뭐 취소했다는 말 들리던데 아니길바래 프로답게 해 언니도. 울지마 알았지? 분위기 흐려진다며 나 땜에 왜 눈치 봐야하냐며 그랬잖아 언니도 잘 이겨내 꼭. 나는 아직도 그 기억 못 지워 언니가 했던말들 행동들 사실 흐릿해도 전부 기억해 남아있어 그럴때마다 약 먹어가면서 견디고 있어 그치만 아빠때 일은 평생 갈 것 같다 언니는 그냥 뱉은 말이지만 난 정말 상처였던 것 같아 근데 마지막 우리끼리 5분의 시간때 내가 언니한데 얘기했어 그때 그게 상처였다고 그때 언닌 날 째려보며 말했지 내가 그런말 할 정도로 나쁜년이라고는 생각안하는데? 했어 그러자 다른 멤버가 언니 그랬었어 라고 정말 큰 용기내서 얘기해줬었어 난 허탈해서 아무말도 안나왔고 속으로 인간이 맞나? 싶었어 그러고 우리는 안녕했지 나도 솔직히 똑똑한 머리는 아니라서 기억력이 진짜 최악인데 오죽하면 언니는 끝이없다 너무 많지 근데 그냥 저거 하나만 할께 혹시 모르잖아 회사에서 해지계약서 썼는데 위약금 내라고 하면 어떡해 저 다 말 안했어요 괜찮죠? 언니 덕에 난 매일 약 수십알 먹고 왼쪽 손목은 하도 그어서 신경이 나가서 따갑고 저려 근데 엄마보니까 살아야겠더라고 돈도 벌어야해 그래서 열심히 흉터치료 받고있어 아직도 악몽은 꾸지만, 근데 웃긴건 나가기전에 언니 빼고 우리끼리 술 마시면서 맨날 대화 나눴거든 근데도 우리 다 아직도 모른다? 날 싫어한 이유가 뭐야?
During this time, Jimin took to her Instagram story and shared a black screen with the word “Fiction” on it, which she soon deleted.
After this occurred, Mina shared another post that reads as follows:
I’ve only said one of out one trillion things that exist. Try saying it’s fiction, you’ll be punished by the heavens. Don’t be like that. There are witnesses and evidence. I’m sorry but there’s no need to hear from both sides because I did nothing wrong. During our last days together, I wanted to get hair implants but I was late to get to the dance practice room because the anesthesia wasn’t wearing off. I called in advance but as soon as I heard your voice, I knew you would throw things into chaos so I couldn’t go to the dance practice room. And that day, I tried to commit suicide again. That’s my biggest fault [to you]. I’ve said everything I’ve done wrong, so should I share stories about you now? There’s so many that it would be bothersome to write them all down. But to say this is fiction, if you had a conscience.. Why did you delete it? Try calling it fiction, there will be quite a lot of people who would be dumbfounded to hear that. Oh right, even back then, you said you couldn’t remember and you said you weren’t a bad person who would say things like that, right? Wow, it must be nice to be able to erase your memory like that. They say the person who says hurtful words usually can’t remember them. Please erase my memory too. Please, please. Then again, you probably could see my wrist and not feel any guilt, right? You’d probably curse right at my face.
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나 1000000000000개 중에 1개 이야기 했어 소설이라고 해봐 언니 천벌 받아 그러지마 증인이 있고 증거가 있어 미안하지만 양쪽말 들을게 없어 내가 잘못한게 없거든 맨 마지막에 댄스실 헤어라인 심고 싶어서 했다가 마취 덜 풀려서 늦어가지고 미리 전화 했는데 언니 목소리 듣자 마자 언니가 또 완전 난리가 날것 같아서 댄스실 가지도 못했어 그리고 그날도 자살시도를 했지 이게 가장 큰 잘 못 이다 자 이제 내 잘못은 다 이야기 했어 언니 썰은 풀어 말어? 너무 많아서 적기 귀찮아 근데 소설 이라는 말은 언니 양심이 있으면..왜 지워 언니 그냥 소설이라고 해봐 주변에 어이없어 할 사람 꽤 있을텐데 아 하긴 그때도 기억 안나고 뭐 그런말할 나쁜년은 아닌거 같은데? 라고 했지? 와 기억 잘 지워져서 좋겠다 원래 욕한사람은 잘 기억못한다더라 내 기억도 제발 좀 지워줘 언니 제발 제발 하긴 언닌 내 손목보고도 죄책감 못 느낄껄? 내 얼굴보고 욕하지 싶다 아마도
Mina made another post that includes an image of a scarred wrist, and she called out Jimin by name for the first time. Her post reads as follows:
Fiction? This is too scary to even be called fiction. I underwent three to four rounds of scar treatment and it’s become fainter. But I’m going crazy every day because your memory won’t disappear, Jimin. Laws? Lawsuits? I don’t have the money to do that. Psychological damages? I don’t need any of it. I have no plans to do that, I’m just so, so sad that I’m so broken because of you, and it hurts and I’m tired. What I want is for you to come to me and admit to your faults and sincerely apologize to me. I think that’s all I need. The person who tormented me seems to be totally fine. When waking up every morning is so painful for me. But I need to provide for my family. So admit to your faults and apologize, so I can let go of what’s built up in my heart, okay?
Following these posts, a source from Mina’s agency Woori Actors stated, “Mina is currently with acquaintances and friends, and she is regaining her emotional stability.” It was said that agency staff were also regularly contacting her out of concern and the source stated, “We will do our best to ensure her well-being.”
Later on, Mina returned to her Instagram account to post the following message:
You must be finding it difficult to just come and apologize to me. Every time we got a new manager, you’d say that I was scary and just pretending to be stupid. Why did you say I was scary and pretending to be stupid? You’d say I was acting stuck up just because I went to auditions and when I worked hard to diet so my face would look nicer, you’d say, “Mina, what’s wrong with your body? I hate seeing it. Gain some weight.” When we were trainees, you’d hit me and say it was because I was at the front. We’d have to say, “Did you have a good night’s rest?” “Yes, I’m sorry,” and “Thank you” in a formal tone to you. Everything had to go your way, you could bring anyone you wanted to the dorms. It was so noisy that I went to the practice room to sleep. You’d say things like, “Hey, hasn’t so-and-so changed these days?” and go around targeting different members. Oh right, remember when I didn’t greet you first at the hair and makeup shop and I got an earful, or don’t you? That’s only the light stuff. There are so many things that were so much worse over 10 years. But thanks to you, I have nothing to lose and I’m not afraid of anything? Because my source of fear was you, your existence caused me stress. You couldn’t have seen that from my previous posts till now, right? It just became a part of my life and now, I’ve forgotten it all and all I’m left with is mental illness. Along with some harsh words. Every time I wrote a will, I would include your name. I thought maybe when you read it one day, you’d feel guilty. I’d have stress-induced convulsions and collapse, I’d attempt to commit suicide and collapse, my mom would cry, and my sister is battling cancer, but they’d have to keep going to the emergency room because of me. I’ve never talked back to you, and have I ever done anything wrong from when we were trainees to when we debuted and promoted? If I did, tell me. Did you not like me because I wasn’t good at flattery? But I still did my best. Whether I was told off or not, I would smile and keep approaching you, putting aside my pride. I was amazed to hear that you were taking prescribed medication for your mental health and were having a hard time. You said everything you wanted to say and did almost everything you wanted to do, you were so selfish. I was so envious of you. Of course, everyone has struggles but at least you were able to freely express that? I always had to push it down. I’m not in the right state of mind right now. But the person who made me like this is you. The person who made my family suffer is you. I used to be strong mentally. When I was a trainee, I’d say it was because you’re the leader and told myself to pity you. But it’s still the same after all these years. I couldn’t tell anyone that I was suffering because of you. Things finally exploded when it came time to renew contracts and that’s when my family found out. Did my family ever say something to you? Even when their daughter was attempted to commit suicide because of someone, they never got angry. You were able to cry when you wanted to and you received so much comfort. I was worried you’d tell me off again so for 10 years.. How did I spend that time? By the end, I had almost 200 sleeping pills because of you. I collapsed and I have no memory of that. I wrote your name on an A4 piece of paper and told my mom that I was sorry, and that’s how I still live every day. I’m broken as much as I can be broken. Because of me, my mom is also suffering from depression, did you know? You are the one person who makes me not want to live, I’m serious, you’re the only reason. Even if you came and sincerely apologized to me, I’m already broken so I collapse, I suddenly start crying, I take out a knife, I write ‘Shin Ji Min’ down on a piece of paper. I’m so broken and I’m so full of anger that my heart aches and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m sorry to my mom, dad, and sister. Can’t you at least tell me why you hate me? With everything you did to me, you can’t say that you didn’t hate me. I’m so upset. I feel upset whenever I open my eyes. I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s so difficult. When you were sitting in the front passenger seat and turn back to us, my heart would start racing because I thought you’d say something to me. I want an apology from you. What will that do? I don’t know. But I feel like I need to something because I’m so angry. There’s no reason for why you tormented me, is there? Shin Ji Min, huh? I wish you could feel what I feel for just one day, I wish I could go back in time and change one day with you. You’ve had a comfortable life. Say something. Let’s hear it. What did you hate about me that much? Huh? I really hate you too. If it wasn’t for you, what would I be like now? At least I probably wouldn’t be crying every day, having nightmares every day, and trying to attempt suicide, right? Because I did nothing to do, I honestly want to go around talking about you and telling people that I have a mental illness because of you. That’s why I’m like this now, sad, isn’t it? It’s finally boiling over after being pent up. I can’t hold it in anymore, I can’t hide it anymore.
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찾아와서 사과 한마디가 어렵나보네 새로운 매니저들 올때마다 쟤 바보인척하는 무서운 년이라고 내가 왜 무서운년이고 바보인척을 해 오디션 보고오면 뭐라도 된줄 아냐고 내가 얼굴 잘나오고 싶어서 다이어트를 열심히 하면 민아야 너 몸이 왜그래? ㅈㄴ보기싫어 살좀쪄 연습생때는 손찌검 하고 니가 맨 앞에 있어서 그랬어 우린 뭐 안녕히 주무셨어요 네 죄송합니다 감사합니다 무조건 자기 마음대로 숙소도 자기가 데리고 오고 싶으면 데리고 오는거야 시끄러워서 나는 연습실에 가서 잤지 뭐 야 요즘 ㅇㅇ변한 것 같지않냐? 돌아가면서 멤버들 욕하지 입에 담을 수 없는 말 많이 했지 참 샵에서 언니한데 먼저 인사 안했다가 한 소리 들었는데 기억 안나지 다? 그리고 약한것만 썼어 10년동안 참 더한 행동 많은데 으랴 으랴 하지 난 언니 덕분에 잃을것도 없고 심지어 두려운 것도 없다? 나의 두려움 대상은 언니니까 나한데는 언니라는 존재가 스트레스였어 지금까지 글만 보면 모르겠죠? 저도 그냥 그게 일상이되서 이제는 다 까먹고 정신병만 남았네요 몇개의 심한말과 함께요 내 유서에는 항상 언니 이름이 있었지 나중에 읽으면 죄책감이라도 느끼려나 싶어서 스트레스로 발작으로 쓰러지고 자꾸 쓰러지고 자살시도해서 쓰러지고 우리 엄마는 울고 우리 언니도 암인데 나 때문에 퍼뜩하면 응급실 난 언니 말에 대들어본 적 단 한번도 없고 연습생부터 데뷔해서 활동까지 내가 잘못한게 있어? 있으면 얘기해봐 내가 아부를 잘 못하는 성격이라 싫어했나? 그래도 난 최선을 다했어 혼나든지 말든지 실실 웃으면서 다가가느라 나도 자존심이 있는데 말이야 나는 언니가 정신과 약 먹으면서 힘들다는게 신기했어 하고싶은 말 다~하고 하고싶은 행동도 거의 하고 완전 이기적인데다가 얼마나 부러웠는데 뭐 각자 개인적으로 힘든건 있었겠지 그래도 언닌 티라도 낼 수 있었잖아? 난 무조건 억눌러야 했어 나 지금 제정신 아니야 근데 나 이렇게 만든거 언니야 우리 가족 힘들게 한것도 언니야 나 원래 멘탈 엄청 강했어 연습생때는 다 그런거겠지 리더니까 그런거겠지 불쌍하다 생각하자 나이 먹고도 똑같아 언니 때문에 힘들다고 얘기 어디가서도 못했어 마지막 재계약 순간때 결국은 터졌고 가족들도 그때 알았지 그래도 우리 가족들은 언니한데 뭐라한적이라도 있어? 딸이 있잖아 누구 때문에 자살 시도를 그렇게 하는데도 화도 안냈어 언니는 울고 싶을때 잘 울고 위로도 많이 받았잖아 나는 언니한데 혼날까봐 그냥 10년을..도대체 어떻게 보냈지? 끝에 언니 때문에 나 수면제 200알 가까이 먹었잖아 그러고 쓰러져서 기억이 안나네 A4용지에 언니 이름 써놓고 엄마 미안하다 그러고 그리고 지금도 그렇게 하루 하루 보내 이미 고장 날때로 다 고장 나버렸어 나 때문에 우리 엄마도 우울증 걸렸다? 내가 언니 단 한명 때문에 살기가 싫거든 정말 진심으로 이유는 언니 단 한명이야 언니가 나한데 와서 진심으로 사과한다고 해도 나는 이미 고장나서 픽픽 쓰러지고 갑자기 울고 갑자기 칼 꺼내 종이에 신지민만 적어 너무 고장나서 울분이 막 가슴이 먹먹해 미치겠어 엄마랑 아빠랑 언니한데 너무 미안해 날 싫어한 이유라도 알려주면 안될까? 안 싫어했다고 하기엔 나한데만 유독 심했잖아 난 억울해 왜 이렇게 난리법석인가 싶겠지만 너무 너무 억울해 눈 뜨면 그냥 억울해서 미쳐버릴것만 같아 정말 정말 힘들다고 조수석에 앉아서 언니가 뒤돌아보면 나한데 한소리라도 할까봐 심장이 떨리면서 살았어 언니 나 사과 받을래 뭐가 달라지냐고? 나도 모르겠어 그냥 이렇게 미쳐 날 뛰어서라도 뭐라도 해보고 싶어서 말이야 분통이 터지잖아 아니 고통당한 이유가 없잖아 신지민언니야 엉? 내 심정 그대로 언니가 단 하루만 느껴봤으면 좋겠다 시간을 돌려서 단 하루만 바꿔보고싶어 언니 참 편하게 살았잖아 뭐라고 좀 해봐 들어보자 나 뭐가 그렇게 싫었어? 응? 나도 언니가 참 싫어 언니만 아니였으면 난 지금 어땠을까 적어도 매일 울고 악몽 꾸고 자살 하려하고 이러진 않지 않았을까? 나는 언니한데 뭘 한게 없어서 솔직히 떠들어대고 싶어 계속 막 알려주고 싶어 나 저 언니 때문에 정신병 왔다고. 그래서 지금 이러고 있어 한심하지? 참다가 참다가 터지니까 나 스스로가 감당이 안되서 숨길수가 없었다
She continued to write:
I heard you took medication and fell asleep, must be nice. I’m dunking my head in my sink and trying to not cry. I can eat more than ten sleeping pills and not fall asleep, amazing, isn’t it? I’ll stay up for days so I can sleep. Even if I slit my wrists and the floor of our house is covered in blood, I zone out. I blankly think about when I’m going to die, and some people have come running to save me, right? Why does there have to be so many people who are suffering because of me? Are you sleeping well? As soon as I heard that, I got angry again, teared up, and filled with rage. I’m strange, so strange. Try living a life where you have to dunk your head in the sink all the time. It sucks. You are such a bad person. You have to know that. I want to sleep too. I want to get a proper night’s sleep too. Why does everyone around me have to suffer because of you? Why did you make me such a bad person? I want to stop worrying people. But I’m so angry, I’m so upset, I feel like I’m going crazy. Stop sleeping and apologize. Wake up, let me stop feeling broken anymore. Wow, I’m so angry.
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약 먹고 잔다네 좋겠다 나는 세면대에 머리 담궈가면서 눈물 참고 있다 나는 수면제 수십알 먹어도 잠이 안들어 신기하지? 한 몇일새고 잔다 손목을 칼로 갈라서 집이 피 바닥이 되도 나 그냥 멍해 멍하니 언제죽나 생각도 해보고 몇명이나 달려와서 나 살려줬지? 나 때문에 왜 이렇게 고생하는 사람이 많아졌지? 언니 잘 자고 있어? 난 그 소리 듣자마자 또 화나서 눈물이 나고 욱해 화도 많아졌어 나 이상해 완전 이상해 세면대에 맨날 머리 담구고 살아봐봐 진짜 그지 같애 진짜 언니 정말 나쁜 사람이야 자기 자신이 느껴야지 나도 자고싶다 나도 하루라도 제대로 자고싶다 왜 언니 때문에 내 주변 사람들이 다 고통받아 왜 이렇게 날 나쁜애로 만들어놨어 어? 속 그만 썪이고싶어 나도 근데 화 나 잖아 억울하잖아 사람 돌게하잖아 자지말고 사과하라고 정신차려 언니 나 더이상 망가지게 하지말아주라 와 너무 화가난다
Her next post reads:
My dream probably won’t come true, right? But if you’re a human being, you shouldn’t act like that. And FNC Entertainment, I told them everything at the end. I was half out of my mind, I couldn’t even open my eyes properly, and I stuttered. I hadn’t fully recovered from taking hundreds of sleeping pills but I told them it was because of Jimin and they wouldn’t listen to me. Who should I talk to? I shouldn’t get angry? I’m like this every day. I’ve been living like this every day and you just didn’t know because I didn’t talk about it. From when I was 21 years old [Korean age reckoning], I’ve been hiding my medicine bottles and secretly taking medication so I could hold on. I’ve lived like this. Shin Ji Min, because of you. Because of that person who is sleeping so well right now.
Mina shared another message as she said:
To all those who are suffering because of someone.. Fight. Don’t hold it in. Or grab someone and tell them. Sleeping pills? Don’t take them. It will never end. Don’t live like me. Don’t hold it in. Do everything you want to do and express yourself. Please live like that.
Neither Jimin nor FNC Entertainment have released a statement regarding Mina’s allegations as of now.
Updated July 4 KST:
In what she says is her final post about the matter, Mina revealed that the AOA members — including Jimin — came to her home, after which she talked to Jimin about everything that she felt over the years.
Here is the full post:
First, I’m sorry for being unable to control my emotions, making a lot of noise all day, and affecting a lot of people.. There must have been a lot of articles that were hard to read, and I’m sure for some, it’s something that they didn’t want to know. A lot of people came by my house, and I’m sorry for causing concern. There were many actions and words that a celebrity shouldn’t have taken or said..
I’m just really sorry. A few hours ago, all of the [AOA] members and managers came to my house, and we talked. At first, Jimin came in angry, and I was in disbelief. I asked if hers was an expression of someone who’s here to apologize. After arguing, she asked where the knives were, and if it would be enough if she died. Eventually, we sat down and talked, and she said she didn’t remember what happened. I continued to talk about all the times I was hurt by her. Of course, I wasn’t in my right mind either, and she didn’t recall much. I talked about when this happened and when that happened, and I couldn’t remember everything either, but what I did remember, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her.
In her mind, we resolved everything at the funeral. But it was a funeral, and at least for that day, I was there to comfort her. But that day, we contacted each other, and she, not remembering anything, said sorry, so from her point of view, I see how she might’ve thought that way.
But how can you resolve 11 years of pain in a single day? The [day of the funeral], we didn’t discuss anything about what I suffered over the years, and how can you talk about those things at a funeral? Of course, on that day, I was sincerely there to support her, and after that, I was back to myself. When you’re broken, you don’t return to your whole self overnight.
Anyway, I continued to talk to her, and after listening, [Jimin] said she was sorry. No matter how it turned out, I did receive an apology, and I decided to accept it. [Jimin] left, and with the remaining members, I promised to pull myself together and stop thinking of taking any extreme measures, and that was it.
I believe that our two fathers are watching us from heaven. Since I can’t lie.. To be honest, at first, when I first saw Jimin, I wondered if she actually felt any sort of guilt. But regardless, she said sorry many times.. I heard it.. I did.. Honestly, I don’t really know what to write. I truthfully didn’t see any intention from her to sincerely apologize, but this could be because of my own sense of inferiority, or it could be that I just want to see it that way since I’m so mad at her..
To her, it could have been sincere, so it’s hard to say for certain what it was. But since I need to wrap up.. Moving forward, I’m going to regain my composure and work hard and continue to receive treatment. I won’t be making any more of a fuss about this. I’m really sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m going to try to get better little by little. There are a lot of people who were affected by me today, and I’m really sorry……. Even in this post, I don’t think I was able to write anything positive about [Jimin]. I acknowledge that. Honestly, I haven’t even been thinking about her apology at the end. The image of her coming over angry is what’s continually playing in my head. I’m as broken as can be, so it’s not going to be an immediate recovery…….. but I’m going to try. It’s also what I agreed to do..
I’m not going to mention this or post about this again.. It’s not good writing, so I’m not even sure what it says, but anyway, I’m sorry again..
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우선 오늘 제 감정을 스스로 참지못하고 하루종일 떠들석하게 만들고 많은 사람들에게 피해를 주게 된 점 죄송합니다..읽기 불편한 기사들도 계속 올라왔을거고 뭐 혹시나 누군가에게는 모르고 싶은 일이였을수도 있고 집에도 많은 사람들이 찾아와주고 걱정을 끼쳐드려서 죄송합니다 그래도 연예인이라는 직업을 가진 사람이 해서는 안 될 행동들과 말이 많았으니까요..그냥 정말 죄송합니다 몇시간 전에 모든 멤버들과 매니저분들도 제 집 까지 다 와주었고 대화를 했어요 처음에 지민언니는 화가 난 상태로 들어와 어이가 없었고 이게 사과 하러 온 사람의 표정이냐고 전 물었죠 막 실랑이 하다가 언니가 칼 어딨냐고 자기가 죽으면 되냐고 하다가 앉아서 이야기를 하게 됬어요 그리고 기억이 안난다고 했어요 저는 계속해서 당한것들을 이야기 했고 물론 저도 제 정신은 아니였을테고 언니는 잘 기억을 못하더라구요 이런적은 있고 저런적은 없고 이야기 하는데 저도 전부 다 기억할 수 없지만 생각나는건 눈 똑바로 쳐다보고 이야기 해나갔어요 언니는 장례식장에서 다 푼걸로 생각하더라구요 그러기엔 장소가 장례식장이고 그날만큼은 위로해주러 간거였고 연락도 그날은 잘 했고 자기가 한 행동을 기억 못 하는 이 언니가 어쨌든 미안해 라고 말했으니 언니 입장에서는 충분히 그렇게 생각들 수 있는 상황들이였어요 맞아요 근데 11년 고통이 어떻게 하루만에 풀릴수가 있지? 그날 제가 당한거에 대해서는 오고간 대화가 없었고, 그 장소에서 어떻게 그런 대화를 할수있나요 당연히 전 그날만 진심으로 위로해주었고 그 후론 다시 저였죠 하루 아침에 너무 고장난 제가 바로 제정신이 될수는 없잖아요;;아무튼 전 계속 말을 이어 나갔고 그 후로는 언니는 듣고 미안해 미안해 말만 했고 어찌됬건 사과 했고 전 사과 받기로 하고 그렇게 언니 돌려보내고 남은 멤버들과 더 이상 저도 나쁜 생각같은건 정신차리기로 약속하고 끝났어요 하늘에서 두 아버지가 보고계실거라고 믿어요 거짓말을 쓸수는 없으니까..음 솔직히 처음에 언니 모습 생각하면 언니는 죄책감을 느끼지 못하나 싶었어요 아무튼 그래도 미안하다라는 말을 계속 들었고..네 들었죠..들었는데..음 사실 뭐라고 써야할지 모르겠어요 솔직히 진심어린 사과하러 온 모습은 제 눈에는 안보였는데 이거는 제 자격지심 일수도 있고 워낙에 언니한데 화가 나 있는 사람이라 그렇게 보려고 한건지..언니는 진심이였을수도 있으니 뭐라 단정 지을순 없겠네요 일단 이제 이 이야기를 정리해야하니깐..저도 이제 진정하고 꾸준히 치료 받으면서 노력하고, 더 이상은 이렇게 소란피우는 일 없도록 하겠습니다 정말 죄송합니다..죄송합니다..앞으로 조금씩 조금씩 고쳐나가려고 노력할께요 오늘 저 때문에 피해본 사람들도 참 많은데 정말 죄송합니다…….솔직히 이 글에서도 제가 그 언니를 좋게 써내려가진 못하는 것 같아요 네 인정할께요 사실 뒤에 사과한거는 생각도 안나고 화나서 온 첫 장면만 반복해서 떠오르네요 제가 삐뚤어질대로 삐뚤어져서 당장은 안고쳐져요………하지만 이것도 노력해야죠 그러기로 했고..이제 이 일에 대해서 언급하거나 또 글을 올리거나 말도 안가리고..그러지 않을께요..글도 잘 못써서 뭐라고 쓴건지도 모르겠지만 아무튼 다시 한번 죄송합니다..
If you would like to talk to someone, please don’t hesitate to seek help and reach out. Click here for a list of international hotlines that you can call, and if you can’t find your country listed, please call your local emergency number.
Editor’s Note: The embedded Instagram post containing graphic imagery has been removed and is now shared as a link.