Noona Says: It Was My Bias’ Birthday, Nothing Else Matters
It hasn’t exactly been quiet in the Korean entertainment industry lately. We had B.A.P suing their own company, the death of one of my favorite 90s singers, Breaking Badkey, and rumors of another EXO-M member planning his exit. They’re all very important events that normally would have my full attention in another week, but this week had December 9. December 9 is the one day of the year when I set aside time to telepathically thank a soccer coach and his wife for bringing the handsomeness that is Choi Minho.
That’s right, my ultimate unshakable bias is Minho. Actually, I probably couldn’t be a K-Pop fan if it wasn’t for my burning love for this kid. I would actually be a lot more normal and a better functioning member of society if it wasn’t for him. I’m usually a very rational person, until it comes to Minho. When it comes to Minho, I get very unapologetically stupid.
I’ll passionately argue why Minho is better, even when he’s not. If anyone dares tell me there’s a more athletic idol, nay, Korean celebrity, than him, I will verbally strike you. If I come across a good picture of him (and there are so many) of him, I can’t even. I created a secret tumblr account to reblog all his gloriousness without shame. He’s the only one on my wall. He’s the only K-poppy thing on my phone. I get mad if someone else says they like him because I don’t like to share. I started obsessing over Alfred Enoch because I thought he was a darker British version of him. My goal is to bear a son that is exactly like him, and I have threatened my ovaries to not disappoint me. I even watched every episodes of “To the Beautiful You,” even though it was an awful, awful drama, and if you know me, I never watch dramas.
Which is why I think God doesn’t want me to ever meet him.
You know how many time’s I’ve seen EXO? Five times. You know how many times I’ve seen G-Dragon? Four times in the past year. How many times have I ever seen SHINee in the flesh?
I’ve had several opportunities but they never worked out. Whether it be concerts, press conferences, or even chance street encounters (missed them by 30 minutes!) something gets in the way and prevents me from seeing them, no matter at what distance.
I think it’s for the better. I actually fear for the day Minho and I come face to face. I don’t know how I would react. Would I be able to maintain a professional attitude? Would all the noonaness in me explode and I do something very inappropriate, like attack him with unwanted affection? What if I’m a sleeper assassin, and the moment I lay eyes on him I’ll be conditioned to kill him? I don’t know!
Some of you may not quite understand why it is that I go crazy. I’ll do my best to explain. I explained before that there was a period of time when I quite K-Pop but got back into it because my friend coerced me into watching “Hello Baby.” Guess which season. Yeah, SHINee. Guess which daddy I fell in love with. Minho.
I already explained that I have a weakness for the fatherly type, and Minho was so good to baby Yoogeun. Yoogeun even looked like him. Every time Minho was caring and affectionate, I melted and it wasn’t long before I was in deep. I started googling and watching everything Minho was in, and the more I got to know him, the more I realized that he was my ideal type.
I had an ideal type before Minho, but I never met anyone who was exactly it. My ideal type was someone athletic, tall, has nice legs, intelligent but can say stupid things, charismatic, confident, a total bro, Korean, and handsome. I have met and dated guys who had some of those qualities, but Minho is the only person who has all of them. Minho is that rare perfect combination of manly qualities that I love, which is why I think I go crazy, only for him. Even with Jaejoong I wasn’t this crazy.
I could go on and on about Minho. Everything about Minho makes me giddy. I even love that he’s a total hyungwhore or that he’s stupidly competitive. At this point, I can’t tell if I love everything he does, or if he does everything that I love.
Minho is my kryptonite, and I will continue to love him from afar, because if this post hasn’t convinced you already, I am stupid for him. Even as I read this I’m sort of appalled at myself. It’s all true, but I didn’t realize how truly crazy I sound until now. But a little crazy isn’t terrible, as long as I respect him and myself.
The opinions expressed in this editorial are solely those of the author.